Non! Non! Non!

In France, 'Non' means 'Non', except that the French also have various ways of expressing 'Non' that encompass both complete denial and a certain shock at the effrontery of the cosmos for mildly, momentarily inconveniencing them. Gerard, would you mind please using the airplane toilets and not the aisle?


Ce n'est pas possible! Translation: It is not possible! Exclaimed with genuine incredulity when faced with very common snags in the fabric of reality, such having to wait for the green man at a zebra crossing.

Brigitte, brown people deserve the same love and respect that you show to animals, don't you agree?


C'est pas vrai! Translation: It is not true! Use with sheer horror when you discover a hangnail. On the other hand, you are to greet the news that a probable candidate for the presidency has allegedly raped hotel maids and swings with prostitutes with a Gallic shrug.

Carla, is that a wrinkle I see?


Je rêve ou quoi! Translation: Am I dreaming, or what! If such a question were true, she would have good reason to be upset- slowly morphing yourself into Isabelle Adjani is an expensive endeavour.

Serge, care to join me for a café crème and a croissant?


J'allucine! Translation: I am hallucinating! Indulging in too many drugs during your misspent youth can indeed throw you some emotionally challenging curveballs later on in life, like that hag-pensioner ordering the last almond croissant at your favourite Boulanger.

Don't worry, Serge- next time we will come prepared and bean the bitch with a baguette before she has half a chance!