Ah, La France. Land of garlic strands and berets, surly waiters and bolshie nuns. A place where masculinity is not diminished with a hearty 'Oh la la, la la, la la, la la!' and the fish vendor will try to seduce you every morning. It is a country where a striped Breton shirt becomes iconic, untouchable, la classe. French, in short. If the striped shirt were to have originated anywhere else, it would be a striped shirt. Plain, mundane, disposable. Un-French.

If, like me, you enjoy your meaty platter served with a soupçonne of lust, disdain or an exciting combination of the two, make your way to these Parisian restos. The delightful menswear-inspired outfits from Pre-Fall 2014 are optional!

The Beef Club- 58 Rue Jean-Jacques Rousseau, 75001dresssteak1

Brainchild of the Experimental Cocktail crew, this chic steakhouse is above the Ballroom du Beef Club bar- an ideal date venue providing dim lighting, comfy sofas and more-ish cocktails. Avoid voicing the words 'Ballroom du Beef Club' as you will sound both absurd and strangely pervy.


La Fidélité- 12 rue de la Fidélité, 75010


Follow the sluttish neon sign down an inauspicious road and enter through thick black curtains into the polished white inner sanctuary. If you fancy a dance afterwards, there is a DJ set up downstairs.


La Table D'Eugène- 18 Rue D'Eugène Sue, 75018dresssteak3

For gourmet cuisine at reasonable set prices, walk down the other side of Sacré-Coeur to discover this delicious, if visually underwhelming, gem. Don't be late- the staff can be prickly, pernickety and poncey.


Le Baron Rouge- 1 Rue Théophile Roussel, 75012 dresssteak4

My ideal Sunday is to go to the marché d'Aligre for the weekly shop and stop at Le Baron Rouge afterwards. Take a glass of wine, a cheese platter and a dozen fresh oysters with bread. Relax, eat and let the wine barrels, convivial crowd and bizarre artwork charm you!